Start You Cunt

[uncle]

CUNTFUCKWHORE OF A FUCK LAWNFUCKINGMOWER FORFUCKSAKE

[HoonBoy]

That is the fucking funniest thing I have read in ages!!! :rotflol: :rotflol: :rotflol:

uncle = :owned: by lawnmower

[uncle]

SO i HAD HADS A faily ok day until fucking now I go out side to mowe the fucking grass as I know I wont get time to scratch my ass on the weekend try ans the fuckin lawnmower and not even a fire check all the normal stuff try a gain and still the cunt gives me fucking nothing tehn i spend 20 pulling trying to get the plug out with a shifter becuase the funny cunts at fucking victor made it some stupidshape that no cunt has ge tthe plug out only to find out ifs ok so I clean it just in case.I try again just a fucking homo blup blup blup I then get a can of start you fucking cunt spayt that shit init and fucking nil not even a fire I keep trying and thebithchcuntstainof a handel snaps off ing my handso then grab a phillips handel screwdriver to use as a handle pull afew more times and the whorejewfucking thing snaps the fucking pullstart rope and fires fucking mother fucking fuck cunt fuck once fucking slutcuntfuck once then fucking fuck stops I then stabbed it 9 ot 10times in the fule tank and a few times in the starterr part untill the phillps haed got stuck in the winder cunt of a part n9ow its good and fucked
FUCK YOU FUCKING SLUTWHOREMOWER

[VE Safari]

Now I have coke coming out of my nose! Too fucking funny!

[Ben Wilson]

Can't match the emotion, but I've had luck in the past by hitting the spark plug with a heat gun then whacking it back in while it's still hot.

PS 9/10 - Sometimes, simplicity says it all..

[TJ]

LOL

Fanfuckingtastic!!

Im in tears!

[Billzilla]

PMSL!!!!
10/10

See the third story in the attachment, piss funny as well.

[tremolo]

10/10, that is fucking gold.

[uncle]

OK so I've cooled off a bit now. I did go back outside and was thinking of how I should burn the mower when the missus came home and asked what I was doing,she saw the phillipshead still sticking out the top of the mower and worked out what happend and that I was geting ready to set fire to it and stopped me.
Its 100% fucked now I stabbed it a few more times than I thought.
I'm still not laughing about yet but I do feel abit better.

[TJ]

You HAVE to post pics!

[Billzilla]

Oh, I nearly forgot ....



Have you checked the ECU for error codes?

:rotflol:

[Calibrator]

Roflmao 10/10

[jezza323]

PMSL, best thread in a long time

picz pls! :)

10/10

[bv]

oh god yes pics

I love that you stabbed the fucking thing, I've felt your pain :)

10/10

[Ze]

that is hilarious :)

[arcane]

:rotflol:

10/10

[Impakt]

seriously, someone needs to go out and create a product called 'Start you fucking cunt'

[willsy01]

This is the closest i've seen

http://www.nulon.com.au/images/large/syb350.jpg

[uncle]

The srcewdriver and the damage done...
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/kunofamower001.jpg
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/kunofamower003.jpg
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/kunofamower004.jpg
My Ass..
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/kunofamower007.jpg
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/kunofamower006.jpg


Edit:I told the new mower it can be Beers or it can be Screwdrivers where we go from here is up to it..
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/kunofamower010.jpg

[tremolo]

Hahahahahhahhahaahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha hahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah hahahahahahhahahahaha



Pool Room!

[willsy01]

I'm in tears here......

[adamRSLC]

:rotflol::rotflol:PLease stop your killing me , THE funniest thing ive read for ages .

adam

[Weightz]

10/10.
Love the finger to mower.

[tripper]

20/10

10 for the rant and 10 for the pics

[Ze]

Yeah fuck thats fucking awesome.

I hope you didn't spend too much on that mower otherwise it could get expensive

[Monk]

You. Stabbed. Your. Lawnmower.

10 outa 10 just for that.

[canthinkofone]

The new mower looks to be the same as our new mower............


fuck its a piece of shit!!!!!!!!!!! fucking lack of throttle control

[TJ]

I was actually in tears at work yesterday reading this

Now im at home in tears at the pics, you came through

20/10 from me too !

[Lobster]

Gold.

You thought that stabbing the petrol tank would solve the problem?



LOL @ last pic...
A friend of mine was spanish and had elderly parents who were a little loopy. They had a mouse problem. The dad managed to catch one mouse in a mouse trap... So, what he did, was to cut the mouses head off and stick it on a chopstick outside the garage, where the mouse problem was mostly, as a warning to the other mice that that might happen to them too...

I never checked into whether that worked out for him or not...

[Fondles]

iam speechless,

i cant wait for the PF rant to top this one uncle.

absolutely 180% fucking superb.

[Gus The Snail]

"thread of the year"

got tears from laughing. I shouldve done that to my mower when it died.. , if i can find it in the grass down the back that is

[rx213b]

I have tears pouring down my face, unfuckingbelievable!

If my cunt of a lawn mower did that I'd break my foot on it, but not stab it

[Blind_Goat]

ahahahahahaha holy shit :D :D :D

[EVOSTi]

fukin excellent post, i feel your pain.

pale ale FTW BTW.

[your_face]

^^

Holy shit i'm at work here and the girls in the area out the front can't work out why i look like i'm stoned because my eyes are so red and sore from crying/laughing.

YOU MAKE MY BELLY HURT YOU CUNT!

[Kris]

im seriously pissing myself here, that finger towards the lawn mower is just gold! uncle for president

[jezza323]

hahahahahaha

best rant ever, and followed through with pics, EXCELLENT!

[bernie-rx7]

The best dummy spit for ages!!! Pool room all the way!!

Uncle for PM.......My office is now looking at me strange because I'm laughing and crying at the same time :rotflol:

[bahaimus]

I would give any money to have been there to see this event unfold.:rotflol:

[Vjesci]

That's fucking brilliant, thankyou for making a shitty day much brighter. :sandyvag:

[lumpy]

This thread delivers!

Truly what the rant section is about.

I had a similar thing with a lawnmower borrowed from my old man - it just wouldn't start and I'd tried everyfucking thing (nearly snapping the cord in the meantime) finally I remember that my old man had replaced the throttle level cable with a secondhand one that had the instructions in the opposite direction (ie start was actually stop).

Good job on the stabbing too!

[jtir]

Best rant ever!

AA+++++!!!!! Will read uncle rant's again!!!!

[devo]

bah .... stabbing things with corvette badges is an everyday occurence.

[willsy01]

Suggest thread subtitle: "Having a shite day, click here!!1!juan"

[Kris]

Suggest thread subtitle: "Having a shite day, click here!!1!juan"

fuck no. leave it at 'start you cunt' its perfect :D im STILL laughing at the photos.... i love the 'start you cunt spray' :P

[Billzilla]

Suggest thread subtitle: "Having a shite day, click here!!1!juan"

No.
Don't be screwin' with perfection.

[willsy01]

Smacked down :yup:

[one4spl]

I've got an almost new Rover with a B&S engine, and the cunt of a thing is always hard to start. You need to love the lawn mower, be at one with the lawn mover.

Aparently anything less than half a tank of fuel isnt good enough for the fucking thing...

Should have bought a fucking Honda.

[Soarin]

How do I subscribe to your newsletter?

I'm almost in tears laughing.

A++++ would read again.

[Ansch]

:worship::worship::worship:

11billionitie!!!111l/10

[Smashed S15 Bloke]

ahaha that's gold.

We got a Victa Monaro mower (classy, eh?) and it's a cunt to start when its been left for a while. I find that plug out, spray a bit of RP7 into the cylinder and BOOM she starts first time :D

[dirtyrex]

Best. Thread. Evar.

[sketchypiMp]

I love that you didn't have to explain to your missus why you stabbed the mower several times with a screwdriver.

I just blew coconut pieces from my lamington all over my keyboard from laughing so hard. Cunt.

Infinity/10. Wish something really shitty would happen to me so I can top that rant.

[uncle]

I'm glad my pain brought some joy to your lives.
I've still yet to dispose of the "mower" and to be honest I dont yet think its felt my full wraith,I am going to make sure if feels my pain fully before I dump the body.

[12arx3]

I love the wife coming home and seeing the screwdriver stuck in the top and thinking "hmmm that's not right, I think uncle may be about to set the mower on fire, I'd better stop him"! :rotflol::rotflol:

10/10

[Kris]

i say burn it, try and get video footage if possible and include a fuel tank of fuel :) every time I read it I cant stop laughing..

[oxy]

I have 2 mowers at home that don't start either. Perhaps they need the same treatment

[Shifty]

Maybe Jon should do that with his Skyline ute/VL?

Uncle FTW.

[HoonBoy]

I have about 20 litres of petrol that is over a year old...

[RotaUte]

Bring it to the stunt day! We can add it to the "BLOW SHIT UP" section on Dan's next DVD :P

[Kris]

hahah , theres an idea!

[crunk81]

I love this rant!!
I was pissin myself laughing so hard my missus cam in to see what was going on. I showed her and she sort of giggled a bit. Guess she's never started a Victa!

My old man had a mower about 20 years ago, that was such a cunt to start that he made a socket extension up that fit in his drill, took off the plastic shit covers and put the socket over the bolt in the cable drum thing off the hand starter. he would then proceed to start it using the "starter motor" it would still take forever... like 2 mins and it would fire once..3 mins another couple of poofs.. and around the 4-5 min mark it would sort of start. It too was a Victa.

[VE Safari]

Victa...fucking blokes around for over 50 years. Honda 4 stroke FTMFW!!!!!!

[bigmuz]

Some of the best work on PF ever. Poolroom for sure.

BTW lack of throttle control is just how they are now- mower 4 strokes don't splash enough oil around at low speeds so they gave up and made them run flat out or stop to avoid warranty problems.

[HoonBoy]

My year old 4 stroke Victa has excellent throttle control, you can drop it down to an idle speed to empty the catcher without any issues.

[JabberWocky]

Awesome rant mate!! I can tell the frustration you had by the hole 'placement' in the fuel tank. Quality. Our MacCullough whipper snipper does similar stuff when i try to start the fucker. Won't start, more choke, won't start, pull the plug out and check/replace, won't start. I've broken the handle on the string about five times. I've cracked the casing from pulling it so fucking hard a few times. I dead set crack the shits and hurl the thing down the front yard hammer throw style and wish death and pain upon it. Every time after I've done that, it starts, no joke. I tried hurling it down the yard a few times before I try to start it and it doesn't happen. I think it's Karma just having some fun. Cunt.

... So, what he did, was to cut the mouses head off and stick it on a chopstick outside the garage, where the mouse problem was mostly, as a warning to the other mice that that might happen to them too...

I never checked into whether that worked out for him or not...
The nut job across the road nailed a dead minah bird to the tree to ward off others. He killed it by hitting it with a golf ball and then stomping on it's head. He is a model citizen. I must say I haven't seen them around since.

[EVOSTi]

I tried hurling it down the yard a few times before I try to start it and it doesn't happen. I think it's Karma just having some fun. Cunt.


i like this bit :) im picturing you opening the garage and just chucking out the front without even trying, fukin gold :)

[monstadore]

cmon marty, get it going again.... give it a false sence of security - BEFORE YOU SNEAK UP ON IT WITH A LEAF BLOWER, JAM THE NOZZLE INTO THE AIR INTAKE AND SUPERCHARGE ITS 2 STROKE ARSE TO PIECES!!!.
My thoughts anyway.

[Fondles]

cmon marty, get it going again.... give it a false sence of security - BEFORE YOU SNEAK UP ON IT WITH A LEAF BLOWER, JAM THE NOZZLE INTO THE AIR INTAKE AND SUPERCHARGE ITS 2 STROKE ARSE TO PIECES!!!.
My thoughts anyway.

leaf blower eh....

you have been researching too many electric superchargers on eBay me thinks...

[monstadore]

leaf blower eh....

you have been researching too many electric superchargers on eBay me thinks...

You mean computer fans glued inside an offcut of sewer pipe?

I was tempted to say a whipple or a procharger, but most people havent got them laying around inside their garden shed. :confused:

[uncle]

hmmm...........
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/VCSLE061.jpg
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b192/Martin_U/humungous.gif

[fcukthedj]

hahahaha top rant just saw it :p sorry for the delayed viewing! 10/10

thats a big arse turbo!!

[Monk]

Especially for a lawn mower...

[TK]

I killed our whipper snipper a few months ago in a similar manner, twas an old craftsman 2 stroke, had been patched up many times & run without a filter for a good 10 years so it was well rooted, anyways, it was always a cunt to start, but I'd always manage to get it going but this particular day it kept dying every 30 seconds or so - that combined with the fact that the head was stuffed & kept letting the cord out was making it a right prick.
I cracked the shits with it when it let the cord go, which wrapped itself around everything & then stalled & refused to start & run for more than 2 seconds, spat it big time, threw the fucker accross the yard & then smashed fuck out of it with a shovel, managed to bust the cylinder off & fuel tank off & spray fuel everywhere.
The missus saw it all & came out with tears in her eyes from laughing, then cracked the shits about the 2-stroke fuel all over the pavers.
Shoulda taken pics, the thing was well fucked, I had to finish off the edging with aforementioned shovel.

[XAC15T]

:rotflol::rotflol::rotflol:

[JabberWocky]

I know that all too well TK. Latest news in my escapades;

The shaft bit is now bent at 45degrees. Can do left hand edges real easy now, it just vibrates the fuck out of you. Whilst performing said alteration, when it finally did land after a fair flight, I broke the fuel tank off, I left it in the front yard, had the shits, walked off and started to mow the back yard. 30 minutes later when I'd finished the back, I noticed the whipper snipper in the front yard still running!!! I thought fuck, can't throw it out now if it keeps going after that sort of abuse. She's back in the shed ready for the week end.

[bthology]

everybloke has one of those green screwdrivers

[THE ASH]

Gold, pure gold!


When this gets pool roomed, make a link in a sticky in this section referring to how to attain rant perfection

[takai]

Crap, im in a cibo coffee shop laughing my arse off and contemplating killng my year old mower....

[kwottr0]

Excellent rant, AAAAA+++++ Will read again.